Curo & Lux Takeover Hogwarts
by stardustpattern9
Summary: This is a CRACK-FIC! My friend, Curo, and I, decided to write down different strange ideas. This has low seriousness in it. Just funness to it and enjoyment. If you have a headcannon or crackie idea in your head, send them to moi, please. This has no set pairings but there shall be romance. Enjoy!
1. The Mysterious Ticking Noise

_I hope everyone will enjoy this one-shot, possible crack-fic. I've been wanting to write a fic about this and some other ideas. _

The Great Hall was full and loud with students. Everyone became quiet when the candles dimmed and the windows blacked out. The ceiling became a starry night sky.

Suddenly on the opposite side of the teachers a light came on. It looked like a screen projector, but most didn't know that. Words appeared on the screen saying

"**Curo and Lux present to the students and staff, The Mysterious Ticking Noise.**"

Most were confused at this while the muggleborns were getting excited.

A ticking noise started around the hall. It was like surround sound. A puppet that looked like Snape appeared on screen. He said:

**What is that mysterious ticking noise? It's not here, not over there. It's kind of…catchy. **

The puppet starts looking around, as if to see if there was anyone around to catch him. The Gryffindors have started sniggering at this. The Hufflepuffs looked terrified that someone might get in trouble. While Ravenclaws were watching to see what happens. The Slytherins looked confused and scandalized.

Snape said "I DO NOT sound like that."

Then the singing began:

**Snape, Snape. Severus Snape. Snape, Snape. Severus Snape. **

Snape looked insulted at this and like he wanted to yell at who was responsible.

Then on screen a blue starred dressed puppet jumped up and screamed:

**Dumbledore. **Puppet Snape continued: **Snape, Snape. Severus Snape. Dumbledore. Snape, Snape. Severus Snape.**

Dumbledore started chuckling as he saw that he appeared. The two continued to the ticking noise when a red head came on screen saying in a girlish voice:

**Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley. Dumbledore. Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley.** The Snape Puppet was continuing at the same time as the other two.

When Ron saw himself on screen his face turned that famous Weasley Red. The twins started pointing at their brother and said "that's our Ronniekins."

A brunette appeared with a deeper voice than Ron saying:

**Hermione…Hermione…Hermione.**

**Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley. Dumbledore.**

**Snape, Snape. Severus Snape.**

Hermione's face was doing a great impression of the Weasley Red when she appeared. She was also wondering if she really sounded that way. Lavender staged whispered "she's better as a puppet." It continued with the multiple puppets at once. Then a brunette with glasses appeared saying really quickly:

**Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Oh. Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Oh.**

**Hermione…Hermione…Hermione.**

**Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley. Dumbledore.**

**Snape, Snape. Severus Snape.**

Harry's face flushed and blushed. He didn't like that he was in the video. By this time the other students were watching with rapt attention. A few were looking between the puppet and the actual person.

When Puppet Snape and Puppet Harry started battle out with saying:

**Snape. Harry. Snape. Harry.**

Several people started laughing out loud, and even more laughed when a naked Dumbledore screamed his name. Hermione tried to hide when she coasted in the background.

The people from the video were either enjoying it, trying to disappear, or were hoping to disappear themselves. Then they all began to sign together:

**Singing a song, all day long at HOG~~WARTS.**

The five minus Dumbledore froze and stared at the screen. Then Ron had to say:

**I found the source of the ticking noise. It's a pipe bomb.**

Hermione and Harry say**: Yay!**

All muggleborns, some Halfbloods and one or two Purebloods paled a bit. Then lights went off on screen when the bomb went off. The students that didn't know what a bomb was jumped when it went off.

Then a white hairless puppet appeared. He gave an evil laugh and started tapping the noise.

**Voldemort, Voldemort, ohh. Voldie, Voldie, Voldie, Voldemort. **

Everyone jumped when his name was said. Some even fainted for the repetition. Most Slytherins were appalled when he mucked up his own name.

The video came to a close. Then it said

**Thank you for watching a video sent from Curo and Lux. Don't worry students you shall hear from us soon.**

The screen cut off and the lights came on. There was a moment of stunned silence before the whispers broke out. Snape was anger to have his name used in it. He started towards the twins and dragged them out. The twins were saying that they didn't do it. They wished they did but they didn't. The rest of the Hogwarts population could hear them protesting while they were being dragged away.

The video became a big part of gossip for a good while. Most were hopping the Curo and Lux wouldn't wait too long. The Ravenclaws were wondering when had done that. The Hufflepuffs enjoyed the video and made references to it often. The Gryffindors had smiles on their faces. The Slytherins were still scandalized from it.

The Golden Trio talked about it after the embarrassment went down. Hermione was trying to figure out how that was possible and who set it up. Ron and Harry were both laughing and trying to forget it.

_A/N: The song and video comes from the Youtube series called the Potter Puppet Pals. _

_My friend and I might come up with more ideas for this. This is a crack-fic. If you readers have any ideas please message me about those. My friend and I can only come up with so many ideas._


	2. Wizard Swears

_Curo and I decided to continue with Potter Puppet Pals for now. I hope peoples are enjoying this._

_Anything italic is from the video. Anything bolded and italic is the words._

Wizards Swears

The Great Hall was once again full of students and staff. The last video brought smiles to many a people's faces. The teachers were still looking for the two that showed the video.

Everyone became excited when the lights dimmed and the screen popped on. Then words appeared saying:

_**Curo and Lux thanks the students and staff for enjoying the last video. Now we present Wizard Swears.**_

_The video began with a Ron and a Hermione hopping up and down. Then Puppet Harry appears and says:_

_**Guys, Professor Dumbledore posted a list of words that are banned from Hogwarts. I didn't know that wizards had swears.**_

_Hermione said, in her deeper than Ron voice: _

_**Of course they do Harry. They are called Wizard Swears.**_

_Ron, in his little girl voice said:_

_**Yeah, like Cauldron Bum.**_

_Harry, being the pompous jerk in the video says:_

_**Really that's adorable.**_

_Hermione says:_

_**Oh, there worse than that. Read some Harry.**_

_Harry looks down at the list and reads:_

_**Son of a Banshee, that's useful.**_

_Hermione says: __**Swish and Flicker that's my favorite.**_

The students are watching this and wondering if they should begin using some of the Wizard Swears. The Slytherins are just watching and thinking they would never use those words. The Weasley twins had conjured some parchment and a quill, they wanted to remember these Wizard Swears.

_A throat clears than says: __**Do my ears detect foul mouthedness?**_

Snape gets angry that he is in yet another video. He promises to himself that he will find the culprits.

_Hermione says: __**No Professor Snape.**_

_Harry cuts Hermione and says: __**Voldemort's Nipple**_

The entire student body, with very few exceptions, flinch at Voldemort. Harry is getting tired of the way every flinches at his name.

_Puppet Hermione bumped into Harry and said: __**Harry.**_

_Snape says: __**Excuse Me! I refuse to have this filth spewed in my presence Mr. Potter. 500,000 points from Gryffindor.**_

Every Gryffindor's jaw dropped. It was a LOT of points taken. Some Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs looked to Professor Snape. Ron was thinking that Snape would do something like that if he could.

_Puppet Ron randomly said:__** Dragon bogies.**_

The students laughed when they watched the other three puppets looked towards Ron. They laughed a bit harder with what happened next.

_Harry whispers: __**Everybody run. **__Then he screams: __**EXPECTO PATRONADS.**_

_Snape sighs out: __**rabble rousers.**_

The Gryffindors are laughing the loudest of all. Harry was not really sure on how to think of it. On one point he finds it hilarious. On another point his puppet is a bit mean.

The video continues with _Harry saying: __**Well that was fun. Oh, hi Neville.**_

Hufflepuff and a good bit of Gryffindor's jaws drop when seeing Neville. He isn't a puppet. He looks like a squash.

_**Hello Harry, Hermione, Ronald. What's up guys?**__ Puppet Neville says._ Real Neville wants to say something but is too embarrassed to do so.

_**R: We're saying magical naughty words like jiggery pokery**_

_**N: Gasps. My grandmother forbids me from using raunchy language**_

_**H: Well your grandmother is a blast-ended skant**_

_Neville gasps dramatically._

_**He: He doesn't mean it Neville. He's just testing some wizard swears.**_

_**H: I mean every word I ever say ever because I am Harry Potter.**_

_(camera zooms in)_

_**N: I'm telling Professor Dumbledore**_

_**R: You're such a boom head**_

_**N: **__breaths heavily__** This is against the rules**_

_**H: I can't let you do this Neville**_

_**N: Oh no no I don't want to swear. My grandmother wouldn't want me to swear**_

_**H: Are you a Gryffindor or not Neville?**_

_**N: I am a Gryffindor!**_

_**H: Try it then. Here's the list. Say anything.**_

_**He: You can do it Neville**_

_**N: Ha-Hagrid's Buttcrack**_

_**He&R: Cheers…YAY!**_

_**H: You sicken me.**_

_**N: B-b-but it's on the list!**_

_**H: Hagrid is ten times the man you'll ever be Neville. Leave Hogwarts Neville Longbottom, never come back.**_

_Neville leaves and cries softly._ The entire scene has Neville ashamed and embarrassed. He hopes that no one really sees him like that. Harry was apologizing after every terrible thing his puppet said to Neville. Hermione was apoligzing too. Ron was too shocked to really say anything. Neville was shocked but forgave Hermione and Harry because that's not really them.

_**He&R: YAY!**_

_**He: You're quite the hellion today Harry**_

_**R: You're right with boyish attitude**_

_**H: Hey lets to a prank call**_

_(phone rings)_

_**V: Dark Lord Voldemort speaking**_

Qu every person flinching.

_**H: Leprechaun taint**_

_Puppet Hermione and Ron start to giggle. When Voldemort begins his rant Puppet Harry joins them._

_**V: What? You kids. If I ever find out who's calling me I'll call the wizards law and you will go to wizard's jail. And I'll kill you because I'm Lord Voldemort. Now stop calling.**_

_**Snape: There they are**_

_Phone is put away._

_**Dumbledore: Professor Snape would like a word with you children**_

_**He: oh unicorn turds**_

_**S: That is exactly the sort of vulgarity I want to eradicate from the distinguished halls of Hogwarts. The traditions of the school must be upheld and respected. The founders surely…**_

The Gryffindors were mostly thinking about how Snape would really talk that way at times. The Slytherins were not sure how to react and Snape was getting angrier.

_**H: Muggle***troll***snape**_

_**S: WHAT!?**_

_**H: You flobby wanded dementors boggerer**_

_Silence. _This is also including from the students. They weren't sure how to react to Puppet Harry cursing out Puppet Snape.

_**R: Dobby's Sock**_

The Gryffindor's started laughing while Ron's face turned red.

_**S: Dumbledore I urge you to expel these monsters**_

_**D: Oh Snape, let them have their fluff doodle**_

_**S: But you're the one who banned the words in the first place**_

_**D: I don't remember what I did five minutes ago. Now back to your sulking. **_

_Puppet Snape goes away in a sulky fashion._

Several people including Dumbledore were laughing at this scene.

_**He: Thank you so much Professor Dumbledore**_

_**D: Alas, you're welcome.**_

_**H: Dumbledore, your obscenely old right?**_

Harry blushed when his puppet asked this. The twins started laughing really hard at that.

_**D: Why yes.**_

_**H: Do you know any super ancient lost to the ages, archaic olden times wizard swears?**_

_**D: Ah well there is one.**_

_**R: I want to hear it**_

_**D: The Elder Swear. You must never repeat it to anyone**_

_**He: We won't Professor.**_

By now every student is leaning forward, though the Slytherins would deny it later, in anticipation for the Elder Swear.

_**D: Here it is. YOUR MOTHER IS A*********AND**********LORAMUSIUM** *****ADMIN IN VEDIUM********TRAGULA******HIPPOPOTAMUS******REPUBLIVCAN ********AND DANIEL RADCLIFF********WITH A BUCKET OF******AND A CASTLE FAR AWAY WERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU********SOUP********WITH A BUCKET OF*********MICKEY MOUSE********A STICK OF DYNAMITE********MAGICAL**** ALACAZAM**_

Everyone was in a stunned silence. They didn't know that the Elder Swear was going to be that much. Most of the people in there had their jaws dropped and eyes wide. It came as a surprise.__

_**R: Wow!**_

Most found themselves nodding in agreement to the puppet.

_**D: Now you know. You must never ever repeat it, ok?**_

_**H: we promise sir.**_

_Shows Neville trapped between Ron, Harry, and Hermione. The three are repeating the Elder Swear to poor Squash Puppet Neville._

_**Curo & Lux thanks the Hogwarts population for watching the video. We hope everyone enjoyed it. Till next time lovelies.**_

Everyone sat there in silence for a full five minutes. They didn't really notice that the lights came back on. When they did come out of their shocked stupor the whispers filled the Great Hall.

Snape was angry. Dumbledore was greatly amused. The twins weren't able to get the Elder Swear but they do have a list of the others. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville were embarrassed greatly.

Draco was thinking of ways to rub it in Potter's face. A lot of other students were wondering if they should start using the Wizard Swears.

_A/N: Curo and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. We have decided to use a few more Potter Puppet Pals but not all._

_We do not own Harry Potter or The Potter Puppet Pals. Both are ingenious works that I greatly enjoy._


	3. Draco Puppet

**I do not own Harry Potter or Potter Puppet Pals.**

Draco Puppet

For the past two weeks, students have been using swears from the last video. The Golden Trio and Neville had gotten over the embarrassment of the last video. Draco enjoyed rubbing in some of the parts from the video. The Weasley twins were looking forward to the next move of Curo&Lux.

When the lights dimmed in the Great Hall some students started clapping and cheering in excitement for the next video.

_**Curo & Lux presents to the people of Hogwarts, Draco Puppet.**_

Almost every student looked towards Draco at the same time. Draco did a cool thing of blushing and paling at the same time. He liked watching other people being made fun of not himself.

_The Harry Puppet is talking directly to the students saying:_

_**Hello I'm Harry Potter. I've been listening to your whispers around school. And though most are impressed with the quality of my work. I've noticed a recurring comment. Many have been wondering about a Draco Malfoy puppet. What a wonderful idea.**_

Everyone is not believing that Puppet Harry thinks a wonderful idea. The use of sarcasm is very easy to see.

_**I took it upon myself to bring this amazing concept into action.**_

The people were still not believing what they were hearing.

_**Here he is.**_

_A small paper puppet on Puppet Harry's hand appeared. _

Everyone was laughing at this. Draco was now flushed face and almost said "when my father hears about this." But a Slytherin near-by stopped him from doing so.

_**Say hello Draco.**_

_Harry imitates Draco and says __**Hello Draco.**_

_**Noo say hello to the audience.**_

_Puppet Harry does the same as before and says __**hello to the audience.**_

People begin laughing at the video.

_**How dare you make a fool of me. **__Harry says angrily at Draco. _

The laughter gets louder. The twins and the Golden Trio are enjoying this immensely.

_**Why don't you tell them a little about yourself Draco? **_

"_**Hello, I'm Draco Malfoy. I'm totally rich and I'm really proud that I'm pureblooded white…I mean wizard. Hehehe."**_

It seemed like literally every muggleborn and muggle raised students busted out laughing. The purebloods were confused on why they were laughing so much.

_Harry gave a fake laugh _[A/N: I swear that is one of my favorite laughs ever.] _**Ahahaha. What a wonderful person. Let's learn some more about Draco.**_

Everyone becomes curious about this. Even more so when music begins playing.

_**Draco likes hamsters~~**_some laughter begins again.

_**Draco likes honey~~ **_The Gryffindors begin laughing when the honey is squirted on his face.

_**Draco likes toothpaste~~ **_The Hufflepuffs begin giggling

_**Draco likes money~~ **_Some Slytherins smirk at this because it's true

_**Draco likes face paint~~ **_The twins laugh at this and wonder if they can use this for a prank

_**Draco likes plyers~~ **_The Golden Trio is in love with this video. Ron more so because he hates all things Malfoy and Slytherin

_**Draco likes bowling~~**_ The wizard-raised are confused by this. They don't know of the sport bowling.

_**Draco likes cartwheels~~**_ The muggle raised laugh at this, mainly over the use of a fan. Most wizard-raised are again confused.

_**Draco likes fire~~**_

_Puppet Draco is on a stove at the end and starts burning up. There is casual sounding whistling going on in the background._

A lot of people are laughing at this as it ends. Many girls were gasping at setting the puppet on fire though. Draco is red in the face, from anger or embarrassment is anyone's guess. He was thinking over what to do. He thought about telling his father but nobody knew who the culprit is. He thought about storming out but knew that wouldn't be good. Draco finally decided to just stay and try to take the teasing.

**So this is another chapter completed. If you have any requests for me or Curo just message moi. We can't come up with all the ideas that can make this awesome.**


End file.
